Category: Self-Help on Life

Are you feeling a bit lost in the sauce? Are your ready to take the reins on your life trajectory? The last few years have been a whirlwind for all of us, but 2026 can be the year of new beginnings for you and me. If you want to take charge of your life, make a plan, create floor tasks, and ceiling tasks, and put in your best effort. When you take charge of your life, you build confidence within yourself that can take you places that you never thought possible.

Make a Plan

What have you always wanted to do with your life? What interests you? If you are unhappy, what would make you happy? When you figure this out, you can begin to make a plan to make it a reality. A plan gives you a guide and a pathway toward a specific direction. Skipping out on a plan can derail your goals and ambitions. If you do not know your destination, you will be running in circles, so make a plan.

Create Floor Tasks & Ceiling Tasks

Once you have a plan, figure out what actions you need to take to execute the plan. Figure out your floor tasks and ceiling tasks in order to execute the actions consistently. Your floor tasks would be the simplest actions that you can take on days when your energy is low. Your ceilings would be the most efficient actions that you can take on days when your energy is high.

Many times we fail at accomplishing long term goals because we put too much on our plates at once. If you can only accomplish your floor tasks for awhile, then it is better than doing nothing. Executing your floor tasks can give you more confidence to begin completing for ceiling tasks more consistently.

Put in Your Best Effort

Most people say always give 100% effort, but we do not all have the same capacity. So, put in your best effort. If someone else can give 100% and you can only give 70%, then you are still in the race. All or nothing thinking is not helpful for completing tasks consistently or acomplishing goals long term.

Give the amount of effort that you can give at the moment and you will build your capacity over time. Be patient with yourself and give yourself grace. The more you beat yourself up, the further you will move from taking charge of your life. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend with kindness and compassion.

Conclusion

So, are you ready to take charge of your life? You got this! Figure out what direction or what goals that you would like to accomplish. Then, make a plan to accomplish those goals by creating ceiling and floor tasks so that you can remain consistent.

Lastly, figure out your capacity at the moment and give the amount of effort that is reasonable for you at the moment. This is not a race, so take your time, be diligent and efficient. If you can only give 60 or 70 percent, then that is what you can give right now and that is okay. I believe in you, so take charge of your life today!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron: https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252

How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-step-out-of-your-comfort-zone/

2026 is the year of getting out of my comfort zone. I have gone to open mic nights, got on a dating app, gone to church gatherings, began taking a The Success Breakthrough Workshop with Wendy Braun, taking vocal coachings, and an acting class with the Barrow Group. Honestly, staying at home can be so much easier than going out, but in order to get out of your comfort zone, you can travel, take a class or volunteer, or move to a new city or state.

Travel

If you have the money, get a passport and go visit a different country or go on a cruise ship. If you do not have the money, take a job that will pay you to travel. Work on a cruise ship, teach in a different country, or drive a truck for a company that pays you to travel. Furthermore, the United States is extremely vast and there is plenty to see in other parts of the country. The West Coast looks like a different world compared to the Mid-west, the East Coast or the South. All 5 regions are completely different in climate and appearance so visit them all if you can not travel abroad.

Take a Class or Volunteer

You can volunteer at a pet shelter, or church, or charitable organization. Take an art class, an acting class, a dance class to get out of your daily routine. When I was on the cruise ship, I met a woman who fell in love with ballroom dance classes after she went to a class years ago. Hobbies and activities and volunteering can give you an outlet outside of work and family life.

Move to a Different City or State

If you want to get out of your comfort zone, consider moving to a new city or state. Obviously, this will take some significant planning in order to execute, but it can be rewarding. When you get out of your hometown or home state, you will grow exponentially.

Yes, you will have to create a new community, but this is where the real growth comes in. When you stay in the same place our entire life, it does not challenge you. You can always move back home, but a little time away, even just a few years can make a huge difference in your personal growth.

Conclusion

If you are feeling stuck, try to get out of your comfort zone and change up the scenery a little bit, either temporarily or permanently. You can travel to new places, take a class or volunteer, or move to a new city or state. Lastly, if you come from a dysfunctional family, moving to a new environment can do wonders for your mental health in the long term.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul-Get-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone/Amy-Newmark/9781611591033

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

Have you felt a heaviness that will not subside? Do you feel unmotivated or chronically tired? If yes, you may have had a hard time finding joy, meaning, or purpose in your life. Honestly, I have experienced a significant lack of joy in the last few years. Over the years I have been in survival mode most of the time, which caused emotional and mental exhaustion. Within the last month, I have begun to find the inklings of joy again. In order to find joy in your life, work on your spiritual life, find community in multiple avenues, and invest in yourself.

Work on Your Spiritual Life

What do you believe in? Do you know? If you know, lean into your spiritual beliefs to be honest about how you are feeling. Name your insecurities, fears, and say them out loud. If you do not know your spiritual beliefs, then work on figuring it out. Often times, we ignore the spiritual life, especially when we are in survival mode. Your spiritual life is your solid foundation and window to tapping into a more joyful life.

Find Community in Multiple Avenues

Community is essential for connection. You cannot do everything by yourself and be a one man band. Join organizations in your community, church, work, or go to social gatherings to meet new people with common interests. You never know who you will meet and what impact they may have on your life. You never know what significance you can bring to the lives of others. Surrounding yourself with a support system will bring more joy into your life.

Invest in Yourself

You are worthy and worth the price of the class or the seminar or the event that will influence your life in a positive way. These events, classes, and seminars also give you a network of people that can be a support to you as well. It is not easy to invest in yourself, especially financially. Personally, I have been putting off investing in myself for years out of fear and survival mode. If you invest in yourself now, you will eventually see the fruit of your investment. Most importantly, be patient when you invest in yourself, it is not a race to the finish line.

Conclusion

Sheinelle Jones from the Today Show says that she fights for her joy everyday since she lost her husband in May of last year. Maybe you have not lost someone, but you feel a heaviness within that will not go away. You can fight for your joy too.

If you are in a dark place, do not isolate. It is tempting and comfortable to isolate, but it will not bring you joy. It is okay to make time for yourself and take care of your needs. Listen to your body, however, isolating is completely different than taking care of your needs. In order to begin your journey of fighting for your joy, plug into your spiritual life, find community through multiple avenues, and invest in yourself because you are worth it.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough to Ending Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again: https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-begin-loving-yourself-fully/

Do you apologize too often? Do you seek approval and validation from others? If yes, you just might be a people-pleaser. People-pleasing seems like a great way to gain acceptance. But, it does not help you gain deeper connections in the long run.

When you are too agreeable, you are not being completely honest. You are abandoning yourself everytime you people-please. If you would like to overcome people pleasing, communicate your needs in the moment, let go of guilt, and seek safe spaces.

Communicate Your Needs in the Moment

It is okay to take up space with your friends, your family and in the workplace. Speak up when something bothers you in the moment. If you wait for the moment to pass, it will become harder to say anything.

When you feel uncomfortable in the moment, say something, do not ignore it. As a people pleaser, this will not feel natural at all so you will have to fight against the urge to stay silent. Sometimes staying silent is appropriate, but challenge yourself to speak up in the moment.

Let Go of Guilt

Did you know that you can say “No”? You can say ‘No’, and you do not have to overexplain. No is a complete sentence. If you are not accustomed to saying this, you will feel guilty. Let the guilt go, you can not say ‘yes’, to everything. It is not healthy.

People will have things to say regardless of if you do what you want or if you do what others want. Everyone will have something to say about any decision that you make rather positive or negative. If people are displeased with you, congratulations you may have began to overcome your people pleasing! Let go of the guilt!

Seek Safe Spaces

Find a community of people where you feel safe emotionally. Safety is not always about if you feel like you are in danger physically. If you feel safe emotionally with people, you can work on ironing out your people-pleasing tendencies. If you can work on these skills in a safe space, then you can transfer those skills to other situations and circumstances.

Conclusion

Last year, I read People Pleaser by Jinger Duggar Vuolo and it opened my eyes to how lonely and isolating people-pleasing can become. As a people-pleaser, you are not being completely honest and you feel like you have to show a facade all the time. However, you can people-please in a positive way too as long as your motives are honorable.

“People pleasing from a healthy place puts the other person’s needs first instead of my selfish need for approval. When I serve from a servant’s heart, I am a healthy people-pleaser, but when I have selfish motives, I am people-pleasing in an unhealthy way.” -Jinger Duggar Vuolo

Most of us are seeking validation to gain love and acceptance. Try to check-in with yourself about your why when you decide to take on a new project or task. Lastly, if you do not like how someone is speaking to you say something immediately. You deserve to be respected too. Remember that you matter too! Remember you are worthy.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Vuolo, J. D., & Carr, J. L. (2024). People pleaser: Breaking free from the burden of imaginary expectations. Thomas Nelson

The Psychology of People Pleasers: https://psychcentral.com/health/the-need-to-please-the-psychology-of-people-pleasing

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-begin-taking-up-space-in-the-world/

Are you a Black high school student looking to go to college soon? If so, here are some tips to consider when thinking about college options. Consider affordability of the college, go on college visits, do your research, and think about the pros and cons of attending a Predominantly White Institution (PWI) or a Historically Black College University (HBCU).

Affordability

If you can avoid it, please do not take out student loans. Student loans can become a prison sentence that can last until your forties or fifties. When searching for universities, consider the affordability. If the tuition is too high, try to find a cheaper school that offers similar benefits. Unless you are looking to go to an Ivy League school for a specific career, it does not matter where you go to school as long as you graduate with a degree.

Go On College Visits

If you are interested in applying to a college, do yourself a favor and visit the college or university. When you visit a school, you can get a feel for what attending the school might be like. I did not visit any of the colleges before I chose my university. Visiting will help you choose a school that is a good fit for you academically and socially.

Do Your Research

Research possible majors, minors, and universities. What lifestyle would you like to have in the future? Talk to your guidance counselors as well as people that you know who have attended college. Think outside of the box when considering a major. At some schools, you can create your own independent study major. Explore your interests as much as you can during your time in high school. This can give you a better idea of your natural strengths and weaknesses to give you clues to what major you might want to study.

Consider Pros & Cons of PWIs & HBCUs

I did not apply to any HBCUs, however I would suggest that black students apply for both HBCUs and PWIs. If you attend an HBCU, you will gain a better community post college. Your four years of college greatly effect your post college life more than you realize both socially and career wise. If you attend an HBCU, you will have professors, colleagues, and friends that will understand your life experience in a deeper way that is indescribable.

PWIs give you a chance to learn more about people who are different from you. It will be more like what the workplace would look like in the real world. If you decide to go to a PWI, connect with the black students as well as the white students. More than likely, your relationships with the black students are more likely to sustain past college and you may even find your potential mate.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://learn.org/articles/hbcu_vs_pwi.html