Self-Help on Life - By Dominique Duarte

Be Patient with Yourself

If dating is new, you may be striving for perfection. You might project this on potential partners, or dates. Be patient with yourself. Realize that anxiety is normal. Veteran daters have anxiety too. Secondly, you may overeact to things that other people may not understand. You may sabotage a potential relationship before it even gets off the ground. Remember that you cannot undo a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior in a few months, or even a few years. You will mess up and that is okay. Just apologize if you hurt someone along the way. Keep working toward healing.

Go to THERAPY

Therapy revealed many underlining issues that probably led to my late bloomer status. Many of us may have had what looked like a normal childhood. I was emotional neglected and I had poor examples of what healthy relationships should look like. I have been my own emotional support since I was a child. This makes intimacy difficult with people in general, not just romantically. We learned many coping mechanisms in dysfunctional households that no longer benefit us now. If you want a relationship, you must continually work on being the best you possible.

Seek out Fellow “Late Bloomers”

I am learning that being a late bloomer is more common than people think. It is just not advertised as much. Fellow latebloomers will understand what you are going through. Dating is like driving a car. The older you are when you learn to drive, the more anxiety you will have about driving. The same is true for dating. What seems so fun and simple to everyone around you in your age group, is not that simple for you. Married people and experienced daters may not remember how difficult dating was for them at one time. They may not understand the intense anxiety you are feeling. Fellow latebloomers will empathize and understand your apprehension.

Research

There are many forums and youtube videos about fear of intimacy, lack of dating experience, as well as therapists. There are all types of people on the internet. You can find people who have little to no dating experience. You can find success stories of late bloomers as well. Research everything about dating so that you are prepared to put yourself out there. Google your way to becoming an experienced dater!

Have Fun

If you are anything like me, you probably overanalyze, overthink, and push people away at the slightest infraction. Stop, take a deep breath, and relax. One of my friends told me recently to, “relax, relate, release.” This is a line from the 80s tv series, “A Different World”. Dating can be fun and it should be fun.

Furthermore, late bloomers have a tendency to run at the sign of anything out of your comfort zone. You have little to no dating experience. Probably, you have not built trust with anyone other than a few close friends in your entire life. Get out of your comfort zone, and have fun on your dates and maybe make new friends in the process.

Conclusion

Dating can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Find yourself, heal yourself, and begin showing the best of yourself within a relationship. This takes time so please be patient with yourself. If you think you need more time to heal, just date to meet new people. See what happens before getting into a serious relationship.

If you want to do Christian courtship, then hold off on dating until you feel you are ready. No one knows you better than you. Remember there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Certain life circumstances and situations create late bloomers. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that if you want to date, you will have to unlock your inner self. Then maybe you can show your best self through a healthy romantic relationship.

Hope this helps! Happy Dating!

Dominique Duarte

Are you a late bloomer? If not, do you have advice for late bloomers? Comment below!

Reading is fundamental! However, when we reach adulthood most of us stop reading and learning. Eventually our personal growth comes to a slow stop or a complete halt. I began reading personal development or self-help books in my mid-twenties thanks to a friend’s birthday present. We assume that wisdom comes with age, but this is a common misconception. Self-awareness is one of the best presents that you can give yourself and you can gain this through therapy or reading PD books. The following 5 books will ignite your personal growth journey:

How to Win Friends and Influence People- Dale Carnegie

One of my friends gave me this book for my 24th birthday. It is short, sweet, and a great starter to the personal development genre. This Dale Carnegie classic gives healthy and positive ways to make a difference in the lives of other people. If you have trouble making friends, or if you want to be a better friend, this book would be a great place to start.

The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends and keep old friends. This book can give you a chance to reset your inner friendship button. The one tip I remembered from this book was that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person. Actively work to pronounce and remember a person’s name to make them feel seen in the world.

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The Slight Edge- Jeff Olson

The Slight Edge explains how major life changes come from the small mundane daily choices that we make. Change will not happen overnight. Your everyday choices lead to positive and negative changes overtime. The Slight Edge teaches discipline and shows you how you may be holding yourself back from your greatest potential. How will today’s decision effect you in the long term? So, the Slight Edge will help you accomplish your goals and become the best you possible.

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What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey

We all have had some type of trauma at least once in our lives. Oprah discusses her own trauma throughout her life and describes how she overcame those struggles and found healing. Dr. Perry discusses his client cases throughout the years, where he had to come and intervene after a traumatic childhood situation. He helped lead his young clients to healing through various strategies.

The book also explores how intergenerational trauma also affects marginalized communities, especially black people in America. Also, this book opened my eyes to the fact that our education system may be reinforcing more trauma on students who experience adversity at home. This is a great read to gain more awareness and insight into the human brain and how it works before and after traumatic experiences.

Order What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey: https://amzn.to/3zVQeXP

The Big Leap- Gay Hendrix

What unique gifts do you possess? Are you utilizing those unique gifts? The Big Leap explores the Zone of Competence, Zone of Excellence, and Zone of Genius. All of us are living in at least one of these zones. Most of us are living in the Zone of Competence or Zone of Excellence, but will never reach our Zone of Genius unless we decide to take the big leap. When good things happen we tend to self-sabotage because our default setting is zone of competence or zone of excellence. Our subconscious wants to go back to the most comfortable zone. Read the Big Leap to begin the journey to living in your zone of Genius permanently.

Order The Big Leap by Gay Hendrix: https://amzn.to/3da2hIo

The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages was written for couples, but I read this book as a single woman and gained so much information about how to love the people in my life. How do you like to be loved? People are showing love left and right, and think that they are filling their loved ones love tank. Why isn’t their love tank filled?

Most of us show love to others the way we want to be loved, which is okay in a casual relationship, but in a more intimate relationship this leads to problems and unfulfilled love tanks. This book introduces and defines the 5 love languages and how you can begin showing love to someone close to you the way that they want to be loved.

Order The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://amzn.to/3zyJpKo

Conclusion

Read the books above to begin your journey of love, discipline, healing, making friends, influencing people and taking the Big Leap to your fullest potential in your Zone of Genius.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

What is your favorite personal development book? Why? Comment below!