Category: Dating Life

I just turned 33 last week and have been single my entire adolescence and adult life. There are times that it can be overwhelming to: track finances, pay the bills, make constant career decisions, submit for auditions and self-tapes, work, cook, grocery shop, work on my mental health and personal growth, do laundry, and handle life in general on my own. Living single is not for the faint of heart, but you can do it, if this is your situation. Here are some things that can ease the load of living single:

Write Everything Down

A journal, a planner, and to do list pads can be a single person’s best friends. The planner keeps track of everything that I have to do throughout the day, week, and year. Write down everything: appointments, work times, laundry days, workouts, tax time, even meals. This can give you a routine as well as keep track of various important dates and times.

Write consistent to-do lists and scratch off things as you go. It can give you a feeling of accomplishment to just get even the smallest things completed. Lastly, try keeping a journal to write your feelings and thoughts. Living alone can bring its own set of challenges, so journaling can be a constructive way to deal with those difficulties.

Reach Out to People

Yes, living single can be lonely, but you can reach out to people regularly. Most people will not reach out to you due to a multitude of valid reasons. I have learned that I have to reach out to people if I want a relationship, even a casual one. People love to get text messages that just ask how they are doing. Try texting at least one person a day!

Call and leave a fun voice message and make their day. For socializing, try to invite friends out a few times a month or find a meetup if you do not know anyone. You could also volunteer at a soup kitchen, or join a church, or organization. Find and create a small community so that you do not feel so isolated. You can also use dating apps to meet new people as well.

Limit Social Media

This can be a hard one. Social media can be a great tool for engaging with family and friends. However, I have taken a few breaks from Facebook over the years because I would often compare my life to other people’s lives. I want everyone to be successful and have all the happiness in the world.

But sometimes it is hard to see everyone else thrive when you are going through life with very little emotional support. If you limit social media, you can be more productive with other things, but most importantly, you will protect your mental health.

Cherish Your Time Alone

Being alone can be a blessing in its’ own way! It gives you time to be still, and just sit in silence. People do not often get time alone, so treasure the time you have right now. Learn about yourself, read personal development books, take walks, go to the movies, or take yourself out to dinner and a show.

Take a trip on your own and have fun by yourself. I think people are afraid of being alone, but it can give you a chance to be fully present with yourself and God. You will find your inner voice and learn how to listen to it without the noise of outside influences.

Conclusion

Living single in NYC has brought trials, but it has created so much personal growth as well. Writing everything down, reaching out to people, limiting social media, and cherishing my time alone have eased the burden of living single. Being alone can be a gift. Currently, I am gaining a stronger sense of myself and my identity. If you know who you are and whose you are, you can show up in the world as the best version of yourself.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/why-we-should-go-to-therapy/

Book Suggestion: https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages-singles-edition

How do you Manage Life as a Single Person? Comment Below!

Book Suggestion: The Accidental Tsundere: Dating for Late Bloomers, Loners and Misfits by L.M. Bennett: https://amzn.to/3Jvctr1

I am 32 years old and I am definitely what would be considered a “Late bloomer”. At this point most of my friends have been dating since they were teens or at least young adults. This has not been the case for me. Since high school, I have been hyper-focused on school and work. For a long time, I was not interested in dating. Now, I realize that I have had a fear of dating and intimacy for most of my life. If you are a late bloomer in the current dating world, the following tips could help.

Be Patient with Yourself

If dating is new, you may be striving for perfection. You might project this on potential partners, or dates. Be patient with yourself. Realize that anxiety is normal. Veteran daters have anxiety too. Secondly, you may overeact to things that other people may not understand. You may sabotage a potential relationship before it even gets off the ground. Remember that you cannot undo a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior in a few months, or even a few years. You will mess up and that is okay. Just apologize if you hurt someone along the way. Keep working toward healing.

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-anxiety/

Go to THERAPY

Therapy revealed many underlining issues that probably led to my late bloomer status. Many of us may have had what looked like a normal childhood. I was emotional neglected and I had poor examples of what healthy relationships should look like. I have been my own emotional support since I was a child. This makes intimacy difficult with people in general, not just romantically. We learned many coping mechanisms in dysfunctional households that no longer benefit us now. If you want a relationship, you must continually work on being the best you possible.

Seek out Fellow “Late Bloomers”

I am learning that being a late bloomer is more common than people think. It is just not advertised as much. Fellow latebloomers will understand what you are going through. Dating is like driving a car. The older you are when you learn to drive, the more anxiety you will have about driving. The same is true for dating. What seems so fun and simple to everyone around you in your age group, is not that simple for you. Married people and experienced daters may not remember how difficult dating was for them at one time. They may not understand the intense anxiety you are feeling. Fellow latebloomers will empathize and understand your apprehension.

Research

There are many forums and youtube videos about fear of intimacy, lack of dating experience, as well as therapists. There are all types of people on the internet. You can find people who have little to no dating experience. You can find success stories of late bloomers as well. Research everything about dating so that you are prepared to put yourself out there. Google your way to becoming an experienced dater!

Have Fun

If you are anything like me, you probably overanalyze, overthink, and push people away at the slightest infraction. Stop, take a deep breath, and relax. One of my friends told me recently to, “relax, relate, release.” This is a line from the 80s tv series, “A Different World”. Dating can be fun and it should be fun.

Furthermore, late bloomers have a tendency to run at the sign of anything out of your comfort zone. You have little to no dating experience. Probably, you have not built trust with anyone other than a few close friends in your entire life. Get out of your comfort zone, and have fun on your dates and maybe make new friends in the process.

Conclusion

Dating can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Find yourself, heal yourself, and begin showing the best of yourself within a relationship. This takes time so please be patient with yourself. If you think you need more time to heal, just date to meet new people. See what happens before getting into a serious relationship.

If you want to do Christian courtship, then hold off on dating until you feel you are ready. No one knows you better than you. Remember there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Certain life circumstances and situations create late bloomers. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that if you want to date, you will have to unlock your inner self. Then maybe you can show your best self through a healthy romantic relationship.

Hope this helps! Happy Dating!

Dominique Duarte

Are you a late bloomer? If not, do you have advice for late bloomers? Comment below!