Category: Mental Health

My parents divorced not long after I was born. When I was 21 years old, my father and I met for the first time that I can remember. I had a few calls with him, but broke off contact not long after this meeting. I had no idea that I had any negative feelings about my father’s absence since I had a stepfather. After years of therapy and personal development, I now know that my father’s absence had affected me in a myraid of ways. If your father was not present, try processing all of your feelings, mourn the family that you did not have, and seek validation from within.

Process Your Feelings

I did not discover that I had issues with my absent father until very recently. You may be completely unaware that you have any feelings at all towards your father. However, acknowledging how you feel about your absent father is necessary to find peace in the future. Process all of your feelings whether it be anger, frustration, or resentment, feel it and process it through journaling or therapy. Once you process those feelings, then you can move toward healing. https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-process-your-negative-feelings/

Mourn the Family that You Did Not Have

Most people have warm and fuzzy feelings when discussing family and past memories. You may feel sad that you missed out on memories and milestones throughout your life with your father. Furthermore, if everyone in your family had a present father in their lives, talking to them may not be very helpful either. Processing the family that you did not have may be a lifelong journey without additional support.

Seek Validation from Within

When a parent abandons you, it can affect your self-worth. You feel like if you were more valuable, then maybe the parent would have been more present. But a parent leaving has nothing to do with you at all and that can be challenging to believe. You make a habit of constantly seeking validation from other people to fulfill you to overcome low self-esteem. You are worthy! Your existence and presence are precious in this world.

Try reading Honoring the Self by Nathaniel Branden:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/646185.Honoring_the_Self

Conclusion

Recently, I spoke to my father for the first time since I was about 21 years old. Honestly, I still have mixed feelings about having a relationship, but I plan to keep in contact with him since life is short and he is getting older. This may not be the solution for everyone who has an absent father. Processing your feelings, mourning the family that you did not have, and seeking validation within yourself will begin your healing and possible forgiveness toward someone who hurt you deeply.

Hope this helps

Dominique Duarte

Do you have Daddy Issues? How have you processed your feelings? Comment below!

We live in a microwave society, where everything is quick and instant. We used to get the news once a day and now we receive it every minute. In the past, we would drive to get food and now it can be delivered to our door within minutes. This can lead to frustration when things actually take time. The truth is that anything worth having will take time. So how do you wait patiently? You can live in the moment, enjoy the process, and have a flexible timeline.

Live in the Moment

When we become impatient, we are usually thinking ahead about the next thing that we need to do. When you are constantly thinking about what is next all the time, it can create anxiety. For some this can cause you to take no action at all. For others, this obsession can lead to workaholism.

Be present in the moment. Stay focused on the current task. You might begin to enjoy even the most mundane tasks when you are fully present in the moment. Also, give yourself more time in between tasks or places so you do not have to rush all the time.

Book Suggestion: The Power of Now: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523

Enjoy the Process

Time passes very quickly and before you know it the day, the year, or a decade is over. We all have goals and can feel like failures if we have not reached the goal by a certain time period. We become so hyperfocused on the future that we forget to smell the flowers in the moment. The more you enjoy the process of getting to your goal, the less pressure and anxiety you will feel.

Have a Flexible Timeline

When planning your life, using a timeline can be helpful to create smaller tasks to reach your short and long term goals. A timeline should be a guide for you to accomplish things, but it should also be flexible. The more rigid you are with your timeline, the more stressed and defeated you can become.

A timeline can be a tool, but should not discourage you to the point where you completely give up on a goal. If you do not complete things on your personal timeline, give yourself some grace. The most important thing is to keep taking consistent action toward your goals. When you stop stressing about reaching rigid timelines for your goals, it is amazing how doors will begin to open for you.

Conclusion

Waiting patiently is more difficult now than ever, but when you live in the moment, even the most mundane aspects of life can become joyful. Using your personal timeline as a guide helps you take action on your goals. Lastly, enjoying the process: the good, the challenging, and the in-between, is truly living life. When you wait patiently, all parts of the process will teach you something if you are present enough in the moment to learn it.

Blog Reference: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/in-your-thirties-now-what/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you wait patiently? Comment Below!

Therapy has been a hot topic within the last few years. It is not just for people with mental illness or people going through a crisis. Therapy is a tool to help you discover your behavior patterns and the why behind your behaviors. It can help you find your inner voice and use it effectively in various situations throughout your everyday life.

Discover you Behavior Patterns

Therapy can teach you about your own behavior. It can show you what habits and behaviors are serving you well and it can reveal behaviors that are not serving you well. Therapy can also teach you to give yourself grace and be patient with yourself.

Growing is a process and change can take years. You will not be able to change behaviors overnight because you are human. Once you learn about your behaviors, you can find tools and begin implementing them slowly throughout your daily life to create lasting change over time.

The Why Behind Your Behavior

We all do things consciously and subconsciously without realizing it. There is a reason for all of our behaviors. People make fun of the fact that therapists ask about your childhood, but your childhood frames so much of your behaviors as an adult.

Whatever coping skills you developed during your first 18 years of life, whether positive or negative, will influence the decisions, choices, and actions that you make presently. Unless you process your past and heal, you will continue to behave in ways that do not serve you or others around you. Therapy gives you space to process why you behave the way that you do.

Find Your Inner Voice

Most of us walk around on auto-pilot, with little to no self-awareness. Therapy taught me to spend more time with myself. People fear being alone, but being alone is necessary for true personal growth. We are so distracted with the world around us that we ignore our internal cues.

Spending time in silence can give you a chance to become more aware of what is going on inside of you. You can tune out all of the other voices that you hear in your head. We are often so focused on what everyone else thinks about us that we have no idea what we think of ourselves or the world around us.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-anxiety/

Conclusion

Therapy sessions can be used in the short-term or the long term, but it can benefit you either way. If you need time to find the right therapist, take the time to find the one that fits the best for you. If you cannot afford therapy, try reading personal development books, journaling, or find time to spend alone to process your thoughts and feelings.

Therapy can be the catalyst for overall personal growth, but most of the work you will do is outside of therapy. Healing can be a lifelong process. But if you begin doing the work on yourself now, your eyes will be opened to a whole new world.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Happiness Returns: The Self Help and Self Compassion Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Returns-Compassion-Techniques-Self-Acceptance-ebook/dp/B0CJ3B7KL1

Do you think therapy is necessary? Why or why not? Comment below!

Walking in your purpose can be overwhelming, especially if you have not seen the fruit of your labor in the way you would like. Some people are still not sure about their purpose at all and that is okay. Just be patient and kind with yourself until you figure it out. If you do know your purpose, this post is mostly for you. You can do the following things to walk in your purpose with confidence no matter your current circumstances.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Genius-Zone-Breakthrough-Negative-Creativity/dp/B08PW4QGD5

Relevant: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

Persevere

When you are walking in your purpose, you will be knocked down. Some people think that if you are truly walking in your purpose that doors will just open and there will be no adversity at all. However, this is not the case. No matter what you do in life, there will be some level of adversity. If you know that you are walking in your purpose, then you have to persevere through the trials. Sometimes, you will fail multiple times, but please keep going on your journey. You got this!

Feel All of Your Feelings

“If you are knocked down, don’t stay down, get back up.” You probably hear this saying all the time and many interpret that as feel nothing along the way to getting back up. You will feel anger, sadness, joy, happiness, frustration and possibly some depression when walking in your purpose. Feeling your feelings is not a problem as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. Instead of using food, drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to numb your feelings, actually feel and process them. This will take time. Processing your emotions will give you the momentum to keep walking in your purpose.

Be Patient & Grateful

God works in His own timing or the universe works in its’ own timing, whichever you believe. However, it is challenging to believe this when waiting for your own ship to come in. Celebrate the small wins, ALL of them and be grateful for every single one. If you are grateful for the little things, then you will have a more positive outlook on your situation, even during the difficult periods.

The wins may be far and in between at times, but it is a part of the process. When God or the universe feels you are ready for more, He or it will open more doors, but every step that you take is preparing you for the bigger picture in the future. Be patient with yourself and know that you are worthy of greatness, and only you are meant to walk this particular path, so be diligent and grateful along the journey no matter how long it takes.

Conclusion

Persevere, feel all your feelings, be patient and grateful and you will continue to walk in your purpose with joy in your heart. Success is not immediate and it may not ever look the way you or other people thought that it would, but when your life has purpose, it is truly beautiful and worth all of the difficulties along the way.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity: How to manage intense emotions: https://amzn.to/3dhaN8w

Did you cry often as a child? Were you shamed or belittled for getting upset over things others considered trivial? If so, you may be highly sensitive. Some highly sensitive people’s emotional needs were not met in childhood, beginning as early as infancy.

Sensitivity does not make a person weak, or immature. In fact highly sensitive people can be the most sincere, endearing, kind, and empathetic people. Sensitivity is something that can be beautiful. However, you may want to work on building your tolerance for challenges. You just have to be patient with yourself. Use the following tips to help embrace your sensitive self.

Accept Yourself For Who You Are

You are sensitive. You can go to therapy, develop better coping skills, and learn how to take criticism, however your sensitivity will still be there and that is okay. It is a special part of you that makes you who you are. So, you can use your sensitivity to create great works of art, theatre, writing, and to care for other people in need. A sensitive person is a diamond in the rough world of cold hearts, unapologetic douchebags and apathetic people. It takes bravery and courage to show vulnerabiltity to others. It is a beautiful part of you that should be embraced and cherished.

Find & Understand Your Triggers

You will have to go through your past in therapy or through journaling. Start with your childhood and ask yourself; “What happened to you?” “Why did it happen?” What patterns did you take on from your upbringing?” “What coping skills have you learned to deal with issues?” “Were your parents emotional unavailable?” “Were your feelings validated?”

Then, analyze your daily interactions with people, especially those moments where you feel you are being too sensitive. Ask these questions: “What happened?” “What did you do?” “What did the other person do?” “How are you feeling?” “Why did this trigger you?” “Do you know why you are feeling this way?” Asking yourself these questions on a consistent basis gives you a chance to self-reflect and go over your behavior patterns and emotional triggers. You can begin to name your feelings, and why you feel a certain way in a situation.

Validate Your Own Feelings

Your feelings were probably not validated as a child, teen, or even as a young adult. If your feelings are not validated, you will mistrust your feelings all the time. You were not allowed to express your feelings in the past. This causes confusion for you, so you begin to have anxiety and fight or flight in scenarios when most people would be perfectly fine.

Your current feelings are valid. Acknowledge how you feel, do not suppress or ignore the feeling, this does not lead to growth. Once you can acknowledge and validate your own feelings regularly, then your strong emotions and anxiety will begin to subside. You will now be able to handle even bigger situations with more maturity. This takes time, months, even years. Do not beat yourself up every time you overeact. Just go back over the moment and self-reflect to help you in the future.

Validate the Feelings of Others

Sensitive people generally have more empathy for other people. Most of the population will ignore, devalue, or put down the feelings of others. If you take the time to validate someone else’s feelings, you will feel better too. You may not understand this person’s feelings in that moment, listen to their feelings anyway. Furthermore, listen to this person the way you wish others would have listened to you when you were upset. If you take the time to understand others, people just might try to understand you a bit better too.

Conclusion

In conclusion, being sensitive has its’ ups and downs, but embracing your sensitivity as well as the sensitivity of others can make you a more well-rounded human being. We forget that at the end of the day we are all human and showing emotion is what makes us HUMAN. Devloping your coping skills can help you express emotions in the healthiest way possible. In order to know what coping skills you need to use, you have to name and feel your emotions consistently.

Sensitivity tells you if you are regulated or not, just like the nerves in your body tell you when something hurts. You would not ignore a throbbing pain in your side, so why do you ignore your emotions. Accept yourself for who you are, find and understand your triggers, validate your own feelings, and the feelings of others to embrace your sensitive nature.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

Are you sensitive? Why or why not? Comment below

Reading is fundamental! However, when we reach adulthood most of us stop reading and learning. Eventually our personal growth comes to a slow stop or a complete halt. I began reading personal development or self-help books in my mid-twenties thanks to a friend’s birthday present. We assume that wisdom comes with age, but this is a common misconception. Self-awareness is one of the best presents that you can give yourself and you can gain this through therapy or reading PD books. The following 5 books will ignite your personal growth journey:

How to Win Friends and Influence People- Dale Carnegie

One of my friends gave me this book for my 24th birthday. It is short, sweet, and a great starter to the personal development genre. This Dale Carnegie classic gives healthy and positive ways to make a difference in the lives of other people. If you have trouble making friends, or if you want to be a better friend, this book would be a great place to start.

The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends and keep old friends. This book can give you a chance to reset your inner friendship button. The one tip I remembered from this book was that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person. Actively work to pronounce and remember a person’s name to make them feel seen in the world.

Order How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie: https://amzn.to/3zW0gIv

The Slight Edge- Jeff Olson

The Slight Edge explains how major life changes come from the small mundane daily choices that we make. Change will not happen overnight. Your everyday choices lead to positive and negative changes overtime. The Slight Edge teaches discipline and shows you how you may be holding yourself back from your greatest potential. How will today’s decision effect you in the long term? So, the Slight Edge will help you accomplish your goals and become the best you possible.

Order The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson: https://amzn.to/3zocmc0

What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey

We all have had some type of trauma at least once in our lives. Oprah discusses her own trauma throughout her life and describes how she overcame those struggles and found healing. Dr. Perry discusses his client cases throughout the years, where he had to come and intervene after a traumatic childhood situation. He helped lead his young clients to healing through various strategies.

The book also explores how intergenerational trauma also affects marginalized communities, especially black people in America. Also, this book opened my eyes to the fact that our education system may be reinforcing more trauma on students who experience adversity at home. This is a great read to gain more awareness and insight into the human brain and how it works before and after traumatic experiences.

Order What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey: https://amzn.to/3zVQeXP

The Big Leap- Gay Hendrix

What unique gifts do you possess? Are you utilizing those unique gifts? The Big Leap explores the Zone of Competence, Zone of Excellence, and Zone of Genius. All of us are living in at least one of these zones. Most of us are living in the Zone of Competence or Zone of Excellence, but will never reach our Zone of Genius unless we decide to take the big leap. When good things happen we tend to self-sabotage because our default setting is zone of competence or zone of excellence. Our subconscious wants to go back to the most comfortable zone. Read the Big Leap to begin the journey to living in your zone of Genius permanently.

Order The Big Leap by Gay Hendrix: https://amzn.to/3da2hIo

The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages was written for couples, but I read this book as a single woman and gained so much information about how to love the people in my life. How do you like to be loved? People are showing love left and right, and think that they are filling their loved ones love tank. Why isn’t their love tank filled?

Most of us show love to others the way we want to be loved, which is okay in a casual relationship, but in a more intimate relationship this leads to problems and unfulfilled love tanks. This book introduces and defines the 5 love languages and how you can begin showing love to someone close to you the way that they want to be loved.

Order The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://amzn.to/3zyJpKo

Conclusion

Read the books above to begin your journey of love, discipline, healing, making friends, influencing people and taking the Big Leap to your fullest potential in your Zone of Genius.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

What is your favorite personal development book? Why? Comment below!

Do you feel discouraged? If you want to encourage yourself, you can use daily affirmations, find your gifts by exploring your interests, take care of yourself, hygiene included. I know that sounds extreme, but when people are depressed or lacking self-esteem, hygiene may be neglected. Learn to take action toward your goals, and surround yourself with positive family and friends to support you. Begin encouraging yourself today.

Write & Recite a Daily Affirmation

We all have days when we are not feeling our best. You need to have a pick me up and this does not mean going to caffeine, drugs, alcohol, weed, or food to feel better. Feel your feelings! We are not going to feel positive all the time and this is okay. It is better to feel the feelings than avoid and suppress them. However, you can overcome persistent negative feelings by reciting an affirmation or mantra to get you out of your inner-bully. If you do not want to write an affirmation, there are plenty of affirmations that you can find online and repeat to yourself when you are feeling low.

Read Affirmations for Success: https://amzn.to/3oEqYiB

Find & Cultivate Your Gifts

We all have at least one gift. People see singing, dancing and acting as a gift, but teaching, cooking, organizing, planning, encouraging, writing, styling, are all gifts and there are plenty where that came from. I am always surprised at how many people do not actively use their gifts and passions. Once you find your gifts, cultivate them like a garden so they will blossom.

Believe it or not, natural talent can only get you so far. If you want to become great in your calling or purpose, you will have to put in hard work. Read, watch, and talk to people who possess your gifts and learn as much about them as possible. When you know why you are here on Earth, you will feel better about yourself and will flourish.

Read Find Your Place: Locating Your Calling through Your Gifts, Passions, and Story: https://amzn.to/3Q4a5cE

Take Action toward Goals

A planner will be your best friend. You can use your phone, but I go old school with a small planner where I write everything down and use my handy dandy pen to scratch off things as I complete each task. You will feel so good about yourself when you see that you are getting things done. Write your long term goals and post them on your wall.

Then, write down the actions you need to take in order to accomplish those long term goals. Figure out how you can spread out those actions daily, as well as weekly. This is the type of planning that leads to success. Goals are amazing, but if you do not have a plan of action to accomplish it, your goals are in vain. Take action, cross if off your planner as you go, and your dreams will start to become reality.

Planner: https://amzn.to/3oKIX74

Make time for Self-Care

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will not feel encouraged. Get up, brush your teeth, shower, put on some clean clothes, take walks, go to the spa, get a massage, get your nails done, get your hair done, go to the park, ride your bike, go outside. If you are on a tight budget, find and attend free events, do something that you enjoy.

Furthermore, learn to say no sometimes to make sure you are making time for you. You cannot be a help to someone if you are operating at a deficit. Make it a habit to do these things at least once or twice a week and your mood will improve and this will put a little peep in your step. If you are grinding all the time and not taking time to live life, then you will struggle to stay centered and regulated.

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Surround yourself with Positive Family & Friends

Listen, you do not want to be unsupportive to family and friends who are having personal struggles. However, there is a difference between when people are having a hard time for the moment and when someone is negative in general. You know the difference, trust yourself. You can limit contact and you can set boundaries with toxic family and friends.

Set boundaries with negative people so that you protect your own heart. Spending time with positive family and friends is a necessary component to feeling encouraged and becoming your best self. If you do not have any positive family and friends, use positive youtubers to be your supportive friends.

Read Boundaries: https://amzn.to/3SiHimO

Conclusion

If you want to encourage yourself, speak affirmations to yourself every day, ask yourself questions to help you find your natural gifts. Once you have found those gifts, cultivate them and continue to grow in those talents.

Take action toward your goals and surround yourself with a positive network of people, whether real or virtual. Who are you spending your time with? Do they have a growth mindset? Remember, you become like the 5 people that you spend the most time with, so choose your closest peeps wisely.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you encourage yourself? Comment below!

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-accomplish-your-goals/

Book suggestion: Finding Awareness: The Journey of Self-discovery: https://amzn.to/3vAR2z2

Why do you do the things that you do? What triggers you and why does it trigger you? Do you know who you are and why? Most of us think that we know ourselves well, but this is not as common as we think. According to Merriam Webster, self-awareness is awareness of one’s own personality or individuality. (Merriam Webster). In order to become self-aware, please consider the following tips.

Self-Reflect

Journaling is a great way to self-reflect. You write in your journal consistently. Then, go back and read what you wrote about a week or even a month later. What thoughts did you write down? “Why did you think this way at the time? In the moment, we may feel a certain way. However, when time passes, we can look at the situation with new eyes.

You can assess situations that occur in your life, positive and negative situations. How did you handle the situation? Be objective about your actions. If you have a conflict with someone, the other person may have been in the wrong. If you handled it in an unhealthy way, reflect on why you did this. Ask yourself, “Why did this trigger me?”. Get to know yourself like you would get to know a close friend or spouse.

Recognize Strengths & Weakness

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, we only focus on the tangible qualities, such as being organized, or having a talent in the performing arts. Strengths and weaknesses also involve you character traits. We all have unique personality qualities. A weakness can always be improved and a strength can always be improved as well. You are in charge of your personal growth.

If you want to become better in an area, work at it. All of us can learn to be better if we invest time to become better, through our daily actions. For example, if you are a naturally shy person, you can actively work on your communication skills. Learn to ask open ended questions. Work in customer service to help you interact with more people more frequently. You will probably always be a bit shy, but you can always work to improve on your communication skills.

Reflect on Criticism from Others

Criticism can be a taboo word in our society. Constructive cricitism is a great way to build personal growth and self-awareness. Crticism coming from a neagtive place does not usually lead to your growth. Learn to discern the difference between the two types of criticism by considering the source giving you the criticism. Sometimes constructive criticism can hurt quite a bit.

Pay attention to how you feel when you hear criticism, whether constructive or not. Self-reflect, “Is there merit to what was said?”; “Is this an area that I can improve?”. If we are honest, most of us would say we do not need to improve. Yes, you can accept yourself as you are. But personal growth is a must in order to deal with the ups and downs of life. Self-awareness can give you a leg up during extremely difficult circumstances that are beyond your control.

Consider the Feelings of Other People

When you are self-aware, you can empathize with other people’s feelings. Someone may be upset and you do not understand. However, you can give that person their space with no judgement. You know that all feelings are valid. There were times when you were upset, people didn’t understand, and you probably wished someone would have validated your feelings.

When you are self-aware, you become accustomed to acknowledging how you feel without judging your own feelings. Our feelings are not good or bad. However, how we express our feelings can cause us to make poor choices that effect others. There is nothing wrong with any feelings no matter how big or small the issue. When you are aware of what makes you feel a certain way, you can advise other people on dealing with difficult feelings.

Read Personal Development Books

Reading personal development books can be a life changer. Why? Successful writers, speakers, entrepreneurs now know who they are, but this was not always the case. Listening or reading about someone’s life or life choices can inspire you to work on your own personal growth. You would need to read or listen to these books regularly for this to be effective long term. I suggest immersing yourself in an audiobook or reading a book 15 minutes a day. These 15 minutes can make a difference in motivating you to get to know your self.

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/best-books-to-begin-personal-development/

Conclusion

Often, we walk through life on autopilot and we are not attuned to ourselves, or our needs and our wants. Sidenote: gaining self-wareness and discovering who you are is not selfish. When you are working toward healing, you can effectively influence other people in a positive way.

Selfish people do not usually have self-awareness. They can only see the world through their own narrative. They usually do not take criticism well, and refuse to become more enlightened on their feelings and actions. Becoming self-aware is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and the world. I hope you find this within yourself.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

What are your strengths and weaknesses? Comment below!

Cited Work: “Self-awareness.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-awareness. Accessed 3 Aug. 2022.